You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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