found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
