first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
