Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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