So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
