seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
