I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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