Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
