You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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