At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
