do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
