Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
