FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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