I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
