Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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