Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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