he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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