can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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