I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
