I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
