Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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