If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
