i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
