I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
