Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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