I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
this will be a night to untag.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
