Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
