We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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