I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
