And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
