you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
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I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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