And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
