you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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