i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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