thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
