Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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