do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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