I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
