all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
