its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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