Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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