he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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