flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
