yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
