i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I could make wine with my vomit
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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