Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
