I seem to have left my pride at pride
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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