also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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