Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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