can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
