I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she woke up with a sticky ear
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
