It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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