Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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