If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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