Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I didn't notice because vodka
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
