So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
